So, when your raid leader tells you that you’re a nubcake and need to stop standing in the fire and dying like said nubcake, what do you do? Try to be better about not dying to face-eating-fire and move, right?? Right.

Well, as an advocate of the Don’t Stand in the Effing Fire club, I need to hand over my card and start back over at the intro level courses. How am I supposed to be upset about someone standing in fire when I myself can’t seem to get the hell out of it?

See here’s the thing. Last week (and I’m actually referring to the 18th of January) of raids, we were in Bastion of Twilight. I was there. I was told to stop going into the Twilight realm and stop dying to easily avoidable face-eating-fire breath. I was doing better… that night. As a guild, we hadn’t been to Bastion of Twilight since that Tuesday, and it seems I immediately went back to my nubcake-old self and died, early on, to face-eating-fire.

I’m already not a huge fan of the dragon twins. They’re whores. I have now deemed them the whore dragon twins.

Whore dragon twins

Mind you, there are so many effing more things to dislike about different events. Like the Council stuff Apotheosis started on last night. Wanna talk about a clusterfuck of insanity?? It was trying to do Council last night. It was insane. The dead tanks, the aoe damage, the fire and the waterlogged, and running through fire to remove waterlogged, but not stand in fire. I think the first attempt took all of a few seconds. I said I was ready, but it seems I had no idea just how insane the whole thing would be.

Back to the face-eating-fire part. Don’t stand in it nubcake. Fire is bad for you. This isn’t even the kind of invisible fire that you can’t see. It’s damn purple for christ’s sake, and I still died to it. Part of my problem was not being a tree, I think. As a tree I’m much more resilient to not die to fire.* It’s like not actually being made of wood or something. And I’m purple with an ‘fro. Fire can’t touch the purple ‘fro, man!

Another things (on a more serious note) is that I forget to get away from her face to avoid face-eating-fire. It is such a habit to try to run left or right out of fire simply to get out of it as soon as possible, but really what I want is to high-tail it away from her face. To avoid face-eating-fire. Get it?? I’ve been told this, but practice makes perfect, and it had been awhile since I had practiced. Though truth be told, as often as I face-eat the fire, I don’t understand why the RL even bothers to take me along in the first place.

In the end, I did better about not going into the Twilight Realm, probably one of the only good things about that death buff you get for taking face-eating-fire to the face. There’s no way to screw that up.

Wanna know what the worst part is? When trying to do Council later, I was told “If you get the Waterlogged debuff, just run through the fire, don’t stand in it, just run through it, that way you don’t freeze when the next *whateverbadthingcomesnext* hits.” So I get waterlogged and guess what I do? Run through the fire and get waterlogged off. What happens when Valiona takes her sweet ass time turning to face a direction in which she’s going to breathe her face-eating-fire?

I sit around and wait. I needed that death buff something fierce.

Moral of the story?? Face the dragon that breathes face-eating-fire so that you can see which direction she’s turning before she breathes fire, so that you can gtfo.**

* I’m totally being sarcastic, btw, in case you can’t tell.
** Something, if I get invited along on raids anymore, I will have to be uber-diligent to be better about. Though at this point, if I were demoted to friend and not promoted to raider, I can’t really blame the RL. I fail at this fire so hard.